thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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