But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
