I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
