Tell her she can't have a vagina
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
