so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
