I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
