My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
