I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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