Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
