saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Randomize
