guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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