Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
