if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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