Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This gyro tastes like lonliness
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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