He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
