the day after is always just damage control
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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