My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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