Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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