when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
