I need help removing her.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
