well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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