is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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