Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
