I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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