The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
