I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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