so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
