This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
two words: eviction party
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
