Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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