im drinking this country out of the recession.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
