if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I die, sorry about rent.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
