He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
