from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
