What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize