the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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