There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
