Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
