We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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