the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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