That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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