Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
