i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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