I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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