Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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