I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
