Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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