Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
