mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
