well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
