You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
