So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
