Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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