I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
