I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
