Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
