when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
