I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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