That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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