does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize