Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
even my farts smell like vagina
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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