I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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