I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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