i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
