it hurts more in the daytime
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
This toilet bowl is my home.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
