Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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