mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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