theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
