Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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