I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
