while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
